My partner and I fight every time we talk about money, how to fix?

From my experience, saver-spender couples can absolutely work, my husband and I are exactly that. The fights usually aren't about money itself but about feeling judged or controlled. What helped us: stop discussing money when emotional, schedule a calm 'money date' monthly. We set up three buckets: joint account for shared bills and savings goals, plus each person keeps their own 'freedom money' to spend without justifying. That killed 80 percent of our fights. Agree on shared goals (house, emergency fund) so his spending has a boundary but he still has autonomy. It's about system, not willpower. If he refuses to even discuss or hides debt, that's the real red flag, not the spending style itself.

Money fights before marriage are actually a gift, better to sort it now than after. From experience, the fix isn't to make him a saver or you a spender, it's to build a system you both agree on. We did a 'yours, mine, ours' setup: shared account for rent, food, and savings goals; separate personal accounts for guilt-free spending. Full transparency on debts and income is non-negotiable, hidden debt is what really destroys couples. Also learn each other's money 'why', he might spend because he grew up with scarcity, you might save from anxiety. Understanding that reduces the blame. If he's willing to work on a system with you, it's workable. If he refuses to talk or lies about money, think hard. Maybe a couples counsellor if it stays stuck.