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Mak mertua interfere in my marriage, husband always take her side
Married 2 years, my mother in law always comment on how I cook, how I raise plan, even how I spend my own gaji. When I tell my husband, he say just endure lah she is old. I feel so alone. How to handle mak mertua without breaking the family?
Anonymous asker ·Asked on 13 hours ago ·1,909 views ·4 answers
Best Answer
Anonymous contributor Beginner First-hand experience
The real issue here is not your mak mertua, it is your husband not standing as a team with you. I learned this the hard way. No matter how you charm the mother in law, if your husband keeps saying "just endure", the problem repeats forever. Sit your husband down, not to complain about his mother, but to say "I need us to be a team. I am not asking you to fight your mum, I am asking you to set gentle boundaries together." Frame it as protecting your marriage, not attacking his family. With the mak mertua herself, I chose to pick my battles, let small things go, but on big things (money, raising kids) I stay firm politely: "Thank you mak, we will consider, but we have decided X." Said with respect but no wavering. Over time she respected me more for having a spine. It got better, but only after my husband finally backed me up.
Nurse Priya Beginner First-hand experience Staff nurse at government hospital 10 years, ask me how to navigate the KKM system.
Your money is your money, be firm on that one especially. How you spend your own gaji is not up for comment. But say it respectfully, tone matters a lot with elders in our culture. I keep my finances private and just smile when she comments. What she doesnt know she cannot nag about.
Anonymous contributor Beginner First-hand experience
If you all staying together under one roof, that is 90% of the problem. If financially possible, get your own place even if smaller and further. The distance does wonders, visits become pleasant instead of daily friction. My marriage improved overnight after we moved out. Absence makes the heart fonder, staying together makes everyone gila.
FinBro Danial Beginner First-hand experience Ex-bank analyst, I talk unit trust, ASNB and stocks without the get-rich-quick nonsense.
Malaysian family very close knit so this super common lor. What helped me, I stopped reporting every small comment to my husband because it made him feel stuck between two women. Instead I handled the small stuff myself with polite deflection and a smile, and only escalated to him the genuinely serious matters. When I picked fewer battles, the ones I raised got taken more seriously. Also building my own direct relationship with her (bring her favourite kuih, ask her cooking tips) softened her a lot.
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